Martin knocks on the door, such a familiar
sound. The door opens just a crack, and inside, the house is dark.
"Password?" says the guardian.
Martin furrows his brow. "I...have no
idea."
After a brief pause, the door opens wider.
"That is correct." Ian flicks the lights on, and everyone behind him
groans at the sudden change in brightness. It's late, and their eyes were
probably tired already. Martin charges forward, lifting Ian in a firm bear hug.
"Okay, that's enough, sailor," Ian hisses through his crushed ribs.
Martin sets him down heavily and looks around the room.
On the couch, the occupants from left to right
are Gay Martin, Ray, and Leanne. Standing around the room are an unidentified yet
familiar woman, Tammy the Genius, and an unidentified man.
"Ian, who are the extra people?"
Martin whispers.
"Oh, that's Leanne's sister and Tammy's
husband. I told everyone they could bring guests if they wanted."
"What? This was supposed to be a private
meeting."
Ian looks as though he's just heard a good
joke. "Ohhh. I totally thought you said 'friendly party.'" Martin
shakes his head.
He then steps forward, away from the door.
"You all know why I've gathered you here tonight," he begins. Ray
raises his hand.
"I have no idea what's going on right
now," says Ray. Martin lowers his face into his hands.
"Yeah," echoes Leanne, "I'm
kind of confused. Ian told me we were gonna burn some things."
"Ian just told me to bring a tray of
snacks and some drinks," says GM. "He said we were going to play
strip solitaire."
"I don't even know who you are,"
says Leanne's sister.
"I tried to brief her on the way
over," Leanne offers, "but she still didn't see why she had to
come."
"Well," says Martin. "I
mean...she didn't. I don't think Ian told you guys anything he was supposed
to."
Landon Freeman enters from the kitchen
carrying a plate full of vegetables and dip. He looks around at the people greeting
his entrance with silence. "What?"
Martin looks wildly back and forth between
Landon and Ian. "And why the hell did you invite him?!"
"There's a device in my brain that
translates every rational thing you tell me into whatever the hell I want it to
be," Ian replies. "Like, just now, you asked me why I invited him,
and as I was coming up with the answer, my brain kept whispering 'I think I'm
gonna go get high.' and 'Unicorns are amazing.'" As he said this, Ian was
slinking off toward the kitchen with no shame.
"Martin, you don't understand. I'm not
the bad guy," Landon insists. "I know why you're upset, and maybe
you'll be happy to know that Tess and I are no longer together." He
crunches through a celery stalk, chewing pensively while he gauges Martin's
reaction.
"Did you know what she was doing for her
book?"
"Nope," Landon replies, and this
time he pops a baby carrot into his mouth.
"Okay," Martin relents. "You're
a good man, Landon Freeman." Landon nods in agreement.
"I have asked for some of you to be here
tonight because I need help," Martin announces. "I am being slandered
in a new book by Tess Carter. She wants to claim that I am a decent and
intelligent person living some kind of life-affirming human experience in the
middle of the city, and that's neither true nor good for my career."
The door opens behind Martin. He turns around
to see Francisco Panza, and behind him is a tall man in a wheelchair.
"Hey, bro. Sorry we're late," says
Francisco, and he reaches out a hand to shake Martin's. Martin has no intention
of denying Francisco anything, but then his attention is turned to Max Enberg.
"Uh, hey. How's it going?" Martin
greets him. Max punches Martin in the stomach, though not hard enough to drop
him.
"I'm all right," says Max, and he
follows Francisco into the room with a gentle push of his wheels.
"There are snacks in the kitchen,"
Landon tells them, pointing the way.
"Hey, when they come back, can you start
over?" Ray asks. "I'm a bit lost."
Martin holds his stomach, looking around the
room. This is not going according to plan.
"Ian!"
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