Stragglers

$350 is a good start on the remainder of Martin's debt, no question. He's feeling pretty good about the money he's already made off his show. There's still a balance owed, though, and Michelle is seemingly getting curious. The night of Martin's visit to Landon's apartment, he receives a call from his sister asking him to come out to breakfast again, this time at one of her shitty organic spots. This is, of course, a waking nightmare to him, but he acquiesces just because she's his sister.

She asks him to show up at 8:30, and this time Martin is capable of managing that kind of early rise. After all, he knows that this time people aside from his sister are relying on his punctuality. So when Martin shows up to one of his least favorite breakfast spots, Tommy is waiting for him, as well as his sister and the Countess at a distance.

Martin greets Tommy first, then introduces him to Michelle with judicious brevity. As they sit down, Martin realizes he can't order real bacon, and the anger begins to rise.

"You realize it's possible to make organic bacon. You just can't make vegan bacon or vegetarian bacon. Organic is totally possible. It's all in the treatment of those delicious, delicious piggies."

Michelle sneers at Martin, and Tommy seems to also lament the lack of cured pork bellies on the menu, but Martin has no idea if this is part of his act as apprentice or if Tommy really appreciates the salty, savory flavor of good bacon.

"I do realize that, but it's not a matter of taste, Martin. I agree that bacon is delicious, but it's not especially healthy," Michelle replies.

"Not especially healthy for a super strict diet, but it's a certifiably scientific hangover cure. That much is true. As an alcoholic, I should know these things."

Michelle sighs. Tommy smiles.

"So who is this guy, then? Tommy? Is that his name?"

"Yes," Martin replies. Michelle's feigned forgetfulness is more insulting to Tommy than Martin. He can't avoid the possibility that his sister is a bitch. "He's my...student. As much as I find that weird, and I'm sure you find it weird, he is my student. He wants to be a comedian, and I'll do what I can to make it happen."

"I really can't picture you being this accommodating for someone." See! Bitch.

"Oh fuck you, Michelle. I had the exact same thought, and yet I'm going to help him out. And I'm helping the chick who's with us at the same time. Birds and stones."

There's a distinct break in the conversation, then Michelle responds to Martin's claim. "Are you talking about me?" Martin laughs in her face.

"Nope." He turns around and points to Tess, who is sitting a few tables away from them near the door. Tess waves awkwardly at Martin, then takes notes about his behavior. "She's with us too, but she's not allowed to get close. She's paying fifty dollars every day just to not bother me." Martin laughs again, but he's worried that this much revelry will cause the good things in his life to collapse into ruin.

"So you'll help some poor sap tell jokes, but you're making...whoever that is pay you just to watch your behavior? I guess I should expect this kind of chauvinistic behavior from you."

"I'm right here, you know," Tommy points out. Martin can see this little interjection as Tommy's attempt to assert his position as a human being, but he can't just let his sister get away with calling him a chauvinist.

"Sure, you should expect this behavior from me, but that's because I don't see you as a woman. I don’t see any reason to show you my good side.”

“So Tess will say that you’ve been nothing but a gentleman to her?” Michelle waves to Tess. Martin turns around to see a very confused artist, so he swats at Michelle’s hand until she puts it down.

“Why did you want to see me, again?” Better to get back to the matter at hand, Martin figures.

“Have you figured out how you’re going to cover the rest of my bill?” She looks at Martin with low expectations. Tommy follows her look across the table with a similar curiosity about Martin’s finances.

“Is it really that urgent? I gave you everything I made at Herb’s place, and I plan on giving you Tess’s money too. My other means of making money are somewhat secret at the moment.”

“Secret?” Michelle seems skeptical. “Or...”

“Or what?” Martin has no idea what she wants him to admit.

“Or you don’t actually have any plans.”

Martin just shakes his head. “Have faith, sister. The money will flow.”

“Oh, so you can cover breakfast?” She’s trying to call his bluff, but Martin isn’t bluffing at all.

“Hell no. I’m broke right now.”

With that last victory, Michelle leaves Martin alone regarding his financial difficulties, at least until breakfast has ended and they’ve gone their separate ways. Tess shuffles out of the restaurant as Michelle is leaving, making sure to give Martin a decent berth.

As Martin and Tommy get to his car, Tommy hesitates before climbing in. “Do you really have a plan?”

Martin’s eyes are dead as he looks at Tommy. “From now on, can you please just take every question you have and make it into a statement? Then you’ll just seem like a liar instead of a dumbass.”

“What?”

“Of course I don’t have a solid plan yet. Just say ‘You don’t have a plan.’ or ‘You have a plan.’ and wait for me to correct you.” Martin gets into the car and slams the door. Tommy gets in, but his face is screwed up in thought.

“What?” Martin asks.

“You are mean all the time.”

Grr. Tommy follows orders strictly just so he can point out what a dick Martin is. It makes him feel worse than he’d like to admit.